(Entry below was written by hand on 4/28/06 – 12:38am)
It occurred to me while I was watching the play “Dirty Rotten Scoundrels” tonight with my coworkers, as I stared at the young blonde girl in the lead role as she sang, that I want to be one of those people on this earth that shine more brightly. So many people live life settling for something that’s below their capabilities. I don’t want that to be true for me.
I don’t want to settle for just any life. I want mine to be something extraordinary, something undefinable. Maybe that’s what everyone wants until they get to a certain age, then they just give up., or buy into the thought that their dreams are just unreachable.
It’s important to live in the present moment. I’ve spent so much of my time living in my worry about the future. All the while there was so much to be grateful for in the present moment. You just have to step back and pause and take notice, even mentally, just for a moment.
I’m glad I’m someone who doesn’t take things for granted. I love living alone, I love my apartment. There are aspects of my job that I enjoy. I like feeling like someone important there. I like my bosses and the way they are lenient and understanding about things. I’m grateful that my job has activities to participate in like theater night and an origami class with the purpose of folding 1,000 cranes to give to the pediatric unit at a hospital. It is legend in Japan that a thousand paper cranes folded by someone will grant them a wish, and that a gift of a thousand cranes to someone who is suffering or ill will lead to their recovery.
I’m grateful for services that send you movies in the mail for a flat fee. I’m grateful for the chance to spend a night at home after spending the past several nights out. I’m grateful for literature and legendary writers and poets whose works are screaming with inspiration. I really believe that writers (in all times and ages) call out to and help bring about the talents and imagination of all other writers.
To feel so deeply in tune with a writer who is long gone from this world is an amazing thing. I once heard that the reason people write books is so that they become immortal. That’s a good reason, but only the truly talented and inspired stand the test of time, only those who are so in touch with universal human emotion are the ones we return to again and again, seeking that limitless source of illumination.
I’m grateful for the change to reinvent myself, each day in a new way. I’m grateful to know that I’m free, and giddy at the though that anything can happen, things can get better, I can get a better hold on the filters through which I experience the world, and try to help myself in every way I can.
As I was walking home tonight, some guy passing by in a car with his friends screamed out the window to me. I was the only one on the sidewalk. He screamed, “God bless you!” “God bless you!” I smiled embarrassedly, but I can say that right now, I truly feel blessed.
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