The Pull to Write
(Entry below was handwritten on 3/24/2008)
I wish I could quit my job and just write everyday. Get back to the me deep inside this day-to-day robot routine. The me that still has that penetrating curiosity and creativity. There is so much fun for me in writing, and doing it every day would really make me happy. Teaching myself all aspects of it would please my heart and my mind.
Sometimes I think it could sustain me, and be there for me like a lover or a member of the family, supporting and nurturing and exhilarating; giving me a reason to live and to feel alive while living. There’s a power and magic in it.
It’s so funny when I think of all the writing books I have bought, full of writing ideas, exercises, prompts and inspiration that I just let sit on the shelf. Or the email folder I created and titled “journal jar” for the collecting of emails associated with writing and journal writing specifically.
And then I finally come to my journal and just write stream of consciousness entires, or lists of what I’m grateful for if I’m really stuck. I tend to stick to the same topics instead of really diving into the depths. It is a miracle when the mind is clear enough to appreciate or write poetry. That is a real gift.
I’ve let go of so many writing books I’ve collected but never opened, or read once and forgotten about because they were not serving any purpose. I still don’t know what kind of writing I should be doing. All I know is that the activity is pleasurable to me, and for now that will have to be enough.