Writing is my Only Interest
“I work every day…Writing is my only interest. Even speaking is an interruption.”
(Entry below- more from handwritten journal on 7/27/2008)
I think I stop myself from writing when I think that once the floodgates are opened, I’ll be unable to stop myself. I feel out of sorts when I go a long time without writing. It’s like my brain stops functioning normally. And then when I start it back up again, I remember how much fun it is and how good it feels.
I guess I can use this time doing any number of writing exercises but I don’t know which to choose. I can write to my guardian angel asking for some things that I want. But I always seem to as for the same thing: to be shown which direction to follow to get to my ultimate purpose.
When I was with my meditation group, I remember hearing during one of the talks that the people who are truly enlightened by following their spiritual path and meditating regularly, are no longer haunted by the question of their existence. They are content just to be living.
An old roommate of mine once suggested that if writing is such a release to me, that maybe I should write for an hour or a half hour every morning before work. I suppose that would be somewhat like the ‘morning pages’ writing made famous by Julia Cameron. My roommate likened this practice to her exercising, which she also did daily. It helped her relieve stress and deal better with things.
I think it’s hard for me to acknowledge freedom, because it’s too scary. Freedom to choose, freedom to stay up all night, freedom to not wash your hair, freedom to build up credit card debt, freedom to run away and never come back, freedom to change the color of your hair, to lose weight, to color your nails, to become unrecognizable.
The possibilities are endless, which makes it both thrilling and frightening all at once. So many avenues to choose among. It’s like that line from that Enya song: “Only if you want to, you can seize the day. If you really want to, you will find a way.”
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