Everything You Want
(Entry below was hand written on 8/14/2002)
“Everything you want is just outside your comfort zone”
This is a pretty bleak idea/statement. It’s bleak for me at least- since I’m not one of those people who regularly stretch their boundaries. Nor do I see problems as “challenges” or “opportunities.” It seems that there could be a lot of truth to this statement though. It’s not like anyone ever gained anything if they weren’t pushing themselves, if they opted instead to stay home in front of the TV, or being consumed in caring for everyone else.
You never really learn anything about who you really are until you force yourself out of your shell, out of your comfort zone, and out into the cold, harsh reality of life. This is a lesson I need to learn, as I am averse to change and leery of anything that might disrupt my routine.
The result is that I remain in a rut indefinitely, or until I decide to go out on a limb to get to where the fruit is (that’s another well-known quote). It’s similar to the idea behind ‘dare to be different’ and ‘fear less.’
Everything I want would have to be outside my comfort zone because I’m not really sure what it is that I want- or at least not everything. I want to be happy, do new and different things, get to know and care for people, take in their stories, learn from their experiences and unique perspectives, and offer my friendship and love.
I want to be valued for who I am as an individual, and have a close-knit group of people around me, people who are infatuated with the idea of having fun and living in each moment. I want a different, new, independent, whole life full of energy, friends, love music, affection and discovery.
What a magical, outlandish fantasy. And there’s no one around to grant it, no one but me I suppose. I wonder if I have that much power. How can I channel my desires? My frustration? My longings? I have to find a way. I can’t live muted forever..
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