I’m not like them, but I can pretend

(Entry below was written on November 15, 2005)

I think I’m in love with Kurt Cobain. I think maybe I always have been. Nirvana was big at the time when I was going through puberty, and I always knew there was something beautiful and captivating about Kurt.

It just hadn’t really hit me because I was so young. And now that I’m almost the age he was when he died, it just makes me see him in a new way. All that he was able to express in his life, all the things he created and shared.

I rented Kurt and Courtney last night and expected it to be really engaging and revealing. Instead, it left much to be desired. There wasn’t much there about Kurt himself, or his life. It was mostly skewed to paint Courtney as this mega bitch who is capable of extreme violent outbursts.

And I have to say that the filmmaker argues his point well. The film is a succession of creepier and creepier characters who claim to have been close to the couple, and somehow they can never seem to get to the point.

Throughout the whole movie I was waiting for it to get to the point, but it was just meandering and strange. It wasn’t some sort of hardcore expose like I expected it to be. I was wondering what it was that made Kurt fall in love with and marry Courtney, since she is so brash and he was so quiet and almost fragile.

They seem like two people unlikely to even know each other. And I realized (even more) what a huge loss Cobain’s death was and why people idolized and adored him. He was gentle and humble, he found value in simple things, and he didn’t like life to get too complicated.

I never knew about Kurt’s traumatic childhood, so that was somewhat revealing. This movie was way too disjointed to make any real sense though. And just when you think it’s nearing a breakthrough, it bottoms out, leaving you with more doubt and speculation. There are strong arguments both favoring and going against the conspiracy idea of Cobain being murdered. so you’re left not really knowing what to believe.

“Sunday morning is everyday
for all I care
And I’m not scared
Light my candles
In a daze cause I found god”
-Nirvana (Lithium)

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March 28, 2013. Tags: , , . movies, writing.

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