It was Colder than Hell
(Entry below was written on August 16, 2005)
I had a doctor’s appointment this morning before work. When they weighed me I was in complete shock. I really thought I weighed more than 117 lbs, with my shoes and all my jewelry on. I guess feeling that I was heavier was all in my head.
I’m so out of it in the mornings. I think I really might need to become a regular coffee drinker. but the problem is I hate coffee. It tastes terrible and I can only have it on cold winter days, even then it’s not so great. I like hot chocolate better. With coffee you have to worry about it staining your teeth. And it never kept me awake and alert for more than an hour or so.
I keep getting these little hints of poetic images and I’m like hey! I can write a poem about that. I get all excited for a moment but I never seem to get past that point and get off and running with a poem. I think about dreams I have and consider writing about them in a poem form.
Dreams are sort of like poems anyway, fragments of images that are rich, vivid and emotional and don’t always make sense right away until you put them all together and make your own sense out of them.
Do you ever look at strangers in public and get so curious about their lives? I’m always wondering when I see people on the train what their jobs are, what kinds of food they eat, if they are happy in their current situation, or just doing what they think is expected of them like I am. I wonder if family is important to them, if they have deep friendships or relationships. I wish I could work up the nerve to start conversations with people.
This morning when I left my apartment, it was so breezy out. And I was cold because I chose to wear a button-down knee-length dress today to work. I thought, oh no, it’s already getting cold.
When the fall comes along there’s a certain smell in the air and you immediately expect to see school buses and kids running around wearing backpacks. I don’t want it to be fall yet. I’m not ready for the cold. I get cold in the summer, so winter is totally unbearable for me.
Summer weather makes me happy. And I need all the boosts to my mood I can get. Last winter was way too brutal. This summer should last until October.
The title of this post is a lyric from a April 10, a Garbage b-side.