Between Quiet and Silence Prompt

(Entry below was hand written on 4/30/2013)

Prompt: “I stand between quiet and silence.” – after Lizzie Wann

A portion of my response:

I always stand here, between quiet and silence, and it causes other people to think I’m mysterious, to have their suspicions of me. I mean, ‘still waters run deep.’ And I am (more often than not) lost in my own head, in my own little world. And I am the only one who can go to that place. So often is my mind foggy and weighed down by thought, that I have to try to unburden it and clear it through meditation or writing.

Nothing in life is simple anymore. People can’t expect to always feel special, appreciated and loved. I stand between quiet and silence because I don’t know where else to be. My opinions and ideas always seemed wrong somehow, and strange to my family and friends. So I second-guess myself over and over again.

But the more I do that, the further away I get from my core self- the self I know to be real, and the more unsteady I feel. It’s very hard to feel steady when you feel like an alien in this world. Unable to relate to anyone except for one person who you want to be with a lot more. But that person can’t be with you until they work out their own interior mess.

It’s a frustrating thing, to stand between quiet and silence. Because you want to reach out but you fear being ignored, or misunderstood, or even worse- told what to do. Sometimes you just can’t deal with well-meaning advice from people who you know can’t possibly understand. It feels like an insult to your intelligence. And it sounds completely crazy.

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May 8, 2013. Tags: , . writing.

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