5am Insomnia Writing

(Entry below was written on 12/24/208)

I’m not sure why I’m awake right now. Little things I guess kept me from falling asleep. The fact that my bedroom is perpetually cold, the noise I heard in the apartment above me although I don’t think anyone is living there yet, my unrelenting hunger pangs even though I ate dinner, the sound of a woman crying outside my window. Pretty spooky.

So I’m awake, thinking about how I would have to get up for work in about 2 hours. hoping I can get some sleep before then. Maybe it’s the lunch that’s planned tomorrow with coworkers that’s keeping me up? Maybe I’m nervous about that?

I don’t think I was meant to live in this climate. I’m supposed to live in warmer weather. That’s when I feel my best and most happy. I don’t think I’m alone in this. But I can’t imagine all the traveling I would have to do back and forth to see my family if I were to move someplace warm. that would be such a hassle. But it is any more hassle to have to bundle up and walk slowly across ice to avoid falling and all the while freezing yourself half to death?

It’s kind of funny to feel that I’m writing this into an abyss. That maybe one or two people are reading. I wonder how many blogs are out there on the internet right now. I wish I was able to relax and go to sleep. It’s weird to go through my whole day at work, get my job done and somehow not feel like me. I start to question everything like: Why am I working here? Why was I born at this point in time? Why do I have the family I have? What if I’m supposed to be doing something else? Like working at something I truly love?

Maybe I should be a starving freelance writer after all. That would cause all kinds of money stress but maybe I will find myself again in the process. These are questions that only I can answer. Nights like this don’t help. They force me to consider these things and wonder endlessly. When all I want to do is relax, sleep, and get on with my life.


June 30, 2013. Tags: . writing.

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