The One Common Thread
(Below is an excerpt of an entry handwritten on 7/11/2013)
I don’t know what I should do with the rest of my life going forward. But maybe I can work on having new experiences so I can have a fresh perspective and new ideas for things to explore in writing.
Writing has been the one common thread throughout my entire life and it’s where I find myself, where I slow down long enough to really listen to myself without judgement, and to hear the inner voice of wisdom that is always there beneath the surface. It’s the sense of myself and my identity that I recognize and connect to and honor through writing.
I don’t often let that inner voice speak, at least not as much as I used to. And if I go too long doing that, the voice gets weaker and quieter and hushes itself because it’s not being acknowledged.
I— said to me in a recent email that he wants me to find my happiness. I want to find it too, and I think that writing is definitely it. It’s my first love. It’s the love of pouring my heart out onto the page because the page accepts my words. It’s the image I’ve held onto of reading my journals again in old age and reliving all the memories of my life that I committed to the page because I wanted them to be remembered.
Being alive is an extraordinary thing. Life is not something to be squandered. I want a life where I act based on my own needs and desires. I want a life where I feel alive in it and it feels real and vibrant to me. I want a life comprised of my own thoughts, not the thoughts of others. I want to create things and move freely and live true to myself always. Always telling the truth, never lying to myself or others.
I want to live unfettered and unconcerned with fitting into any mold. I want to make my own way and feel utterly comfortable and happy in my own skin for the rest of my life.
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