I love to..

Prompt: I love to…

My Response:

I love to be at home. I love to watch movies and listen to music. I love to escape reality. Maybe that’s not healthy. But I’ve always been more of a dreamer. I’ve always believed more in an idea of myself than in the actual person I am.

Because humans are limited and average and I never wanted to be that. I always want to believe in the possibility that I could be and have something more than a regular life.

I love to watch movies because interacting with people in reality is strained for me and always feels awkward. I try to change this but I find that every interaction I have is basically the same. I fear that people will not like me and find me strange, and I find it difficult to really relate to anyone.

Maybe I do not express myself well or come across as guarded, I’m not sure. But while people can open up to me about themselves, they rarely show any interest or pay attention to me when I start to speak.

Maybe that has to do with a lack of confidence in who I am, because I fear that person is not good enough and not like everyone else who is ‘normal.’ Maybe most people feel they are ‘off’ in some way, but they know how to manage/fake it long enough to have friendships and relationships.

It’s hard for me to find any common ground, or to feel confidence about my ‘offness’ and abnormality. I have never been able to keep up some sort of social mask that isn’t who I really am. I’ve always been one to wear my heart on my sleeve.

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July 30, 2013. Tags: , . Uncategorized, writing.

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