(Below is an excerpt from a journal entry that was handwritten on 8/29/13)
The other day while I was working, someone took a message for someone I was calling. I’m not sure if it was a woman or a man who answered, but as they were looking for a piece of paper to write down the message, they were singing to themselves. When they came back to the phone, after the message, the person very seriously said to me, “Listen, don’t ever let anyone steal your joy.”
And hearing that made me really smile and genuinely laugh. The person just sounded so joyful and I was so grateful for a break in the monotony of the same phone call over and over again. Their joy gave me joy. It was a message that I really needed to hear that day and at that time.
Today I went to volunteer at the Hoboken Arts and Music Festival. I was helping out setting up books at a table outside a bookstore. I had volunteered there before, and taken a yoga class there for free once, so I knew the lady (Carmen) who runs the store.
She was grateful for my help and said I could take a few books or movies/CDs for free as a thanks. I only took one, a feng shui book, because I felt bad taking anything else for free. I know that the store badly needs donations in order to stay in business.
Carmen told me and Walter (another volunteer) about a show she took her nice to. It was a one woman show that a friend of hers performed in the city. She said it was a very smart, relatable show about a woman’s search for true love only resulting in a bunch of relationships where the guys wouldn’t commit and only wanted to take advantage of her.
So she concluded that what was best for her was to love herself, to have a connection to a higher power, and a spiritual connection to comfort her. And I said, “Well, yes, that’s the truth.” Real, true love can just be a myth in some people’s lives. Not something to seriously strive for or believe in.
I found a new apartment recently and will hopefully be moving in a couple of weeks. I hope I can let go of my old things, release things that tie me to the past, so I can make room for the present and the future. There are so many things I hold onto, trying to capture and preserve the happiness of moments passed. But that is a fallacy.
Life continues to march forward and I know I need to allow myself to move with it, to grow and change as I need to and adjust to the new things in life. I need to adjust to being a new self, and go with the flow of things. I decide what I want to do and don’t want to do. And that is a gift. I can allow myself just to be who I am, and enjoy the simple things in life, the things I love.