Free as a Bird

(Entry below was handwritten on 3/25/2014)

On weekends there is too much time. I sleep late, have a leisurely breakfast, go out for coffee and a lottery ticket, run errands, go to the library or a store to pick up a few things.

I while the day away, procrastinating. On workdays, I’m stuck at my laptop. Sometimes work is really slow (like today) and there is nothing to do but sit around and wait for more work to come in.

Today was so slow that I had time to write a blog post. It bothers me that half of my writing is in physical journals, and the other half is online. I wish my story was contained all together in these pages.

The funny thing is, if I have to be up at a certain time, and clocked in and ready to work, I just have the urge to write, more than anything else. Sometimes I long to catch up on reading too.

But I’m awake and caffeinated and sitting at a computer screen, ready to go. And if I could manage to do that on the weekends, have some discipline and get up early to start my day and write, I think I’d have a lot more clarity and creativity in my life.

I would stop the daily world from intruding on my thoughts before I had the chance to get them down on paper.

Clearing out the old thoughts, the old clutter that crowds the head, is the best and fastest way to make room for new thoughts, and access the creativity that lies beneath the minutia of the day-to-day.

I find myself suddenly so curious about other people- so fascinated by others and the world and what I’m really doing here. I know I’m here to learn lessons, have experiences.

And it’s a nice feeling to have myself back, to be in control of my mind again and know that I am really free.

Only I can say which path I will choose to follow. I could change everything about my life tomorrow if I chose to, and no one could stop me. Because no one tells me what to do.

I can do as little or as much as my heart desires. I can choose to disappear for a while, or stay put. I could choose to speak, and know I will have confidence behind my words.

Or I can choose to remain silent and observe. I can choose to expand my knowledge, to research a variety of subjects that interest me at my leisure.

I can choose to discard old things, old ideas I’ve had, old identities, old interests. I can choose to go forth and have an adventure, to push myself physically, to find a silent retreat mentally.

I can choose to consider the possibility that I can be trained for any job. That I could earn more money to take care of myself, my future, and help my family. I can choose to believe that there truly are no limits to who I am, or who I can be.

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March 27, 2014. Tags: , , . writing.

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