Let Yourself Play

(Entry below is an excerpt that was handwritten on 11/21/14)

I sometimes wonder, am I just happier and better off on my own? Without anyone making demands of me? Some days I feel I’m too lazy to be in a relationship. I’d rather sleep or rest or read or write or exercise, then get dressed up and go out. Staying in is usually way more fun.

Like tonight. It’s Friday night, and after a rejuvenating nap after work, I got so much done. I sent out a few emails, did a workout, did a meditation, took a shower, put away laundry, washed dishes, had dinner, and now I’m writing.

Sometimes, usually, I want to be writing but then there doesn’t seem to be much to say. I remember when the writing urge used to take me over completely. I let it take over me without worrying that I may be missing out on something. The words that emerged from my own mind were way more interesting than any book I could read or any movie I could watch.

I would not procrastinate on it. I’d simply sit and get to it whenever the feeling struck me, and I was always inspired to write often, and a lot. I went through and completed many journals that way.

I think I’ve come a long way this year. I remember how it feels to be happy on my own again and to have peace of mind. People grow only at their own pace, when they feel ready. This is not something that can be forced by another person- no matter how much that person wants the best for the one they are trying to help.

Maybe my journey through this life requires my being alone in order to learn the things I need to learn- and to do the things I came here to do. Life is a mystery, but I feel that people over-complicate it. People should simply pursue what brings them happiness- even if those things are not the norm: like being solitary, introspective and observant.

I think people beat themselves up way too much over things that can’t be controlled, and torture themselves for not being a certain way that they want to be. It’s good to want to improve oneself, but not at the expense of the true self. A person should never try to go against their primary nature and natural inclinations.

I think if you accept yourself as you are, you can find contentment and peace of mind. You have to be who you are, even as the world and people around you, and family try to make you become the person they see you as.

I need my solitary pursuits and my pursuits of inspiration and spiritual satisfaction. It’s only one life that we get, and we need to let ourselves live in the best way we see fit. Maybe some people are born to make a big impact on the world, to affect it deeply.

And maybe others are here to take in as much as they can, to learn through experiences, to absorb information from others, from books, from creative endeavors, from work and from play.

Everyone plays in their own unique ways. Some play through work, or sports, watching films, writing, dancing, singing, completing little self-created projects, trying experiments in living, volunteering, giving to others, enjoying live music, creating music, journalling, laughing with friends, trying new and thrilling experiences, or simply breaking their routines.

I don’t think there is any wrong way to play as an adult. We are all free to be and do what we want, and we owe it to ourselves to explore those things and ask ourselves honestly: what do we really want?

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December 9, 2014. Tags: , , . writing.

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