Writer’s Block/Finding a Random Journal

(Entry below was handwritten on 2/7/2013)

I really wanted to write today, so I went to the library after work. I wanted to write in a quiet area, far away from the mountain of dirty dishes in the sink. Once I stepped outside though, I was reminded of why I hate winter so much, and how lucky I feel to have an apartment that’s so warm and cozy.

On my walk to the library, thankfully only a couple of blocks, I felt the wind freeze my nose and mouth and I immediately started shivering. I got there, browsed around for a bit and sat at a desk to write, but I couldn’t focus because of the noise other people were making in the reference room where I was sitting.

It sounded as if there was a Spanish lesson taking place nearby, and two young boys were pushing each other  and laughing at a table in front of me, so I was very distracted. I couldn’t focus on reading the issue of Writer’s Digest that I found there either. There was a book lying on top of the short shelf of books in the middle of the table where I say, but I didn’t pay any mind to it at first.

I got up to use the bathroom and came back to the same table. I opened my journal and stared a while at the pages, knowing I had a small list of writing ideas saved on my phone (in a memo pad app). But I didn’t check the list. I realized I felt very hungry and wanted to be back at my apartment. As I got up to leave, I noticed the book lying across the low shelf in front of me again. It was lying with the cover faced down and the back cover was all colorful stripes.

I realized it might be someone’s journal. Excited, I turned it around and saw that it was in fact, a journal. It had a flap on the front cover (that held the book shut) which had the words “Be Happy” on it in big letters. I was hoping the journal would be full, but it was mostly empty. It was a woman’s journal and she dedicated it to her children in the inside front cover. She wrote that her months of pregnancy with them were the happiest days of her life.

Then there were a few scattered entries. One was a list of names. The only one I recognized was Oprah Winfrey. Other entries mentioned some struggle she has with an adoption going through. I realized this journal was completely irrelevant to my life. I wasn’t supposed to find it by any sort of predestination and it didn’t hold any philosophical or meaningful truths that were meant for me to discover.

So I went to the reference librarian, handed the journal to her, and mentioned that I found it at one of the tables and thought maybe someone forgot it there. She took it from me and just said “Oh” very curiously, and started to look through it, completely ignoring me without even saying ‘thank you.’

I thought that was a bit rude and thought that maybe I should’ve kept the journal for myself, tore out the pages that were written on, and just use it as a spare journal for myself. But then I figured, someone may come in looking for it and I didn’t want to steal it from its owner.